I haven’t been on here for quite a while. It’s not that I haven’t been writing, it’s just that everything I was writing was very personal and about my deep grieving process after my son passed. I feel drawn to put up a blog post today just as a reminder to myself and whoever needs it to take care of the self.
I have been receiving the message lately that the way to healing and connecting to our soul and inner child is to love whatever feelings and pain that comes up. That doesn’t mean I can’t prefer to feel something different, it just means that I am honoring whatever is coming up without judgement and with unconditional love. I am realizing that no matter what I want to happen, and even if I want it right now, my life is a process and it is necessary to go through whatever I am going through to heal. This healing is not just for me but for the entirety of humanity.
This is another radical message I have received, thanks mainly to the work of Matt Kahn. It brings the revolutionary concept that everything that we are healing on an individual level is coming up to be healed for humanity as a whole. This feels more freeing to me because I no longer need to “fix” myself or do something specific to heal. I just need to love what is coming up and allow my partnership with God to heal it.
Because this is a new paradigm for me, there have been a lot of growing pains and changes in my life. I feel like I have been given a key to healing my grief. But also, I am allowing the deep pain that is coming up while dealing with the loss of my sweet son. I continue to move through sadness, guilt, shame, anger, fear, and despair, as well as a myriad of other feelings that don’t even have names. With the surfacing of each new feeling, I choose to give myself more love and more compassion. Even when I feel guilt, I choose to love the one who feels guilty. This allows the inner child in me that is hurting deeply to express my pain without judgement and, paradoxically, move through these feelings much faster that I would if I didn’t acknowledge them.
I’m not saying that I am an expert at this process. But, that’s okay, because I can love the one who doesn’t always know how to love myself and my feelings that are coming up. This frees me up to allow the healing to shine in through the cracks of my broken self, no matter where I am in my expansion process.
I love that I can always use such a simple tool as loving what is, no matter what is happening around me. This has allowed me to begin to move on and continue with my life even through the pain of mourning the loss of the physical aspect of my son. For this, I am truly grateful.
Much Love,
Peace Goddess