A new year. A new beginning. Time to rejoice in fresh starts and new chances.
Yes, I feel all of this and more. However, I have felt this within each moment of each day since my son passed. I have to because each moment is so different from the previous one. Also, the thought that he will never be with me physically this year for the first time in my life is not particularly reassuring. So, I guess what I’m saying is that New Year’s Day this year, is a mixed bag of experiences and feelings.
My heart feels both excited and heavy at the same time. Every day I am surprised at the way I can be both happy and sad simultaneously . I thought that wasn’t supposed to be possible. But, as I learn to look at my unhappiness in a new way, even that gets lighter for me. I choose to stop blaming my unhappiness on my son’s death. As I write this I realise that I’m not really sure how to do this. I guess I am making a conscious intention to just be with unhappiness as it is. It is there for no particular reason other than to be experienced and healed.
So as I enter this new year I offer both my unhappiness and my happiness to the alter of healing light. I am not making a resolution but continuing to take each moment as a full experience of whatever arises and loving that.
Happy New Year
Much Love,
Peace Goddess