I was not sure about sharing this because it is deeply personal but I thought it would help more than harm, so here goes:
Last week I was faced with an opportunity to learn about boundary setting and letting go. My son is in the hospital and has been diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder. He has had an issue off and on with fixating on changing his medication. Today he decided that he did not like the main medication he is on and insists he will find a way to get off of it if I don’t convince the doctor to take him off.
My mind instantly went into fear. What if he deteriorates without this medication? What if this is just a symptom of his illness and he really needs that medication? I don’t even know how all of this works without talking to the doctor. What if the doctor and I decide to keep him on the medication without his consent? Will he be angry and distance himself from me again? I am the medical decision-maker in his life right now. This power is feeling very heavy.
All of these thoughts have been racing through my mind. And, though I know this takes me further from God and peace, I have also become fixated in a way like my son. I am unsure how to create a boundary for him around this. He has the right to express his desires and want to change something that makes him feel bad. However, he may not have the clarity of vision to know what is good for him at this point. If this had been the first time he had wanted to change a medication that would be different. However, he has wanted to change his medication every 2 weeks for the past 2 months. My biggest fear: before this medication he was in his own world and wasn’t talking to us—I don’t want to lose my son again.
My only way through this is prayer: “God, please give me peace of mind and take this issue from me. I ask that you hold my son in your loving arms and do solve this issue in a way that is going to bring the most success, love, light, joy and purpose into all of our lives. And so it is, Amen.”
Now, I let it go. LOL!
I also ask God to help me to set a boundary around Matthew’s changing medication and threatening to use a lawyer. I need this to be more gentle and peaceful for me and my sensitive system.
Now I let that go too.
Wow, that really did help! I feel lighter and that I have a beautiful omniscient power behind me. I don’t have to deal with this. I can give it to God and follow the steps that my intuition and God’s guidance give me. What a shift!
Prayer brings you back into the present moment and lets God take care of the details. When I was worrying about changing my son’s medication, I was both remembering the past and creating a possible negative future in my mind. I wasn’t in touch with Spirit, my higher self or my intuition. How could I make a decision from this place? Thankfully, again God had my back and the doctor was too busy to call me—leaving me with the weekend to calm my mind and let God and my Higher Self take over.
If you are feeling stuck, a good first step is to relieve some of the burden with prayer. If you don’t feel comfortable praying to God, try talking to your Higher Self or insert whatever word feels good to you. Give it a try, what have you got to lose except your pain?
Much Love,
Peace Goddess