Something I have been practicing and pondering is being in the state of knowing. Beyond trust. A feeling that I already know that all is well and that everything is happening in Divine order.
What get’s in the way of my knowing this is the deep need for it. Since losing my son, I have moments of desperation for truth. Ironically, this is what gets in the way of really being conscious. The holding on to what I want instead of feeling that it is here already only postpones the miracles that are already available to me.
How do I find this presence, this peace, and comfort of awareness? The only answers I have found, and believe me I have searched, are love, gratitude, and being in the present moment. I am learning to find solace in the everyday moments of connection and grace. I am shelving what my mind doesn’t understand and meditating into the space of who I really am. This truth and this connection during meditation opens me up to the greatness of all that is. Loving myself through the messy parts (and believe me there are messy parts), I mean really having the courage to observe myself through eyes that are not clouded by judgement but are filled with compassion. This is unwrapping the tight seal around my heart and revealing my magnificence and eternal nature.
This sounds great on paper but it is not a goal I have, it is a constant practice in each moment to see my life through the eyes of the Divine. It’s not so much work as it is a surrender. It’s not a striving but an allowing. It is allowing what is already available to me to enter. It enters in the moments of rest, the giggles, the washing of dishes and gardening, the walking in nature. It enters when I collapse in deep grief, sadness, and tears, utterly cracked open on the floor of the bathroom. And, sometimes, it seems like it isn’t there at all. In these moments I breathe and accept even the illusion of disconnection with love for my human nature and other’s human nature. What more is there?
Much Love,
Peace Goddess
xo
Photo by Photo by Cristian Newman on Unsplash