Whatever you want me to say, pretend I said it.-Jan Warner
My husband always asks me how I am. I know he worries but boy am I fed up with that question. Some days I will respond with a pat, “I’m fine.” Today it was, “I’m here.” What does he want from me? Reassurance that I am okay? Maybe.
I am what I am. I feel sadness but also lightness. I miss my son. That will never change. Each day of my life that will be the case. I will always miss him and want him with me here in physical. How am I? Honestly it would take me an eternity to even answer this question truthfully. I never knew that I could be so full of light, love, hope and happiness and also so sad and desperately miss someone with all my heart. I guess my heart has been broken wide open. It is open to the pain and open to the love. I am so grateful for my son. Maybe his death was planned by some greater Source and was for a greater purpose than I can see but that never stops me from missing him and wishing things were different.
How am I? I am a being of light filled with love and deep sadness and grief. I am shattered beyond repair. So shattered that I let the pieces lay still around me and allow all of the love and pain enter at will. I am what I am in this moment.
And so I say to you, however you are, I honour it in all it’s fullness and all of the mysterious dichotomies. I give this freely to you whoever and however you are.
Much Love,
Peace Goddess