When I ask my spirit what it needs lately it’s always, “rest,” and also, “creativity.” For someone who is a recovering codependent who lived through my son’s extreme mental “illness” and transition to Heaven, it feels like I need years of rest and love. And then there is the part of me that longs for a creative outlet and a feeling of independence, freedom, passion, and a way to serve others. The question I ask myself is, “Is it possible to have both—both time to rest enough to integrate all of my healing and life experiences and time to follow my passion?”
Then I start to worry about my daughter. She has had so much pain this last couple of years and hasn’t been able to function socially or academically. I worry that she needs me to hold her hand and help her homeschool high school. How do I have time to rest, be passionate, and take care of my family?
But what if it is not really in her highest good for me to cater to her needs the way I have? What if what she needs is wings? And, if so, is it my responsibility to get her to the place where she recognizes herself and her power? What is my responsibility as a homeschooling mother of grieving and anxious teenagers. I see this sentence and disagree. This is just what the outward layer is showing me. Really my teens are super creative, passionate, cool, interesting beings with so much going for them.
Now I come full circle. What if the best way to empower my girls is by empowering myself and following my passion. What if setting an example and caring for myself is the very thing that catapults the healing of their core wounds?
I owe it to myself and I owe it to my family to be the most authentic person I can be. To do this I need to honor all parts of me and show my family that it is not only okay but healthy to take care of oneself.
This is my next greatest step and I have already started. I will take time to rest and also take time to play, have fun, and enjoy my passions which also include helping others to give themselves permission to do the same. This is truly loving myself to Heaven.
Much Love,
Karin
Feature Photo by “My Life Through A Lens” on Unsplash