I think one of the biggest insights I’ve had in the past year and a half is the knowing that, no matter what is happening or what I am feeling, all I need to do in the moment is love that. I’ve had a good week, actually a great week, visiting my favorite ocean destination and immersing myself in nature. Now that I’m home I find all of the feelings of loss and grief coming upon me like a tidal wave. The hardest part is often just trying to be mom and wife through all of the feelings. I know that it is good for them to see me feel, it models moving through feelings for them, but my first instinct is to hide away and find solitude somewhere. That way I don’t have to be a burden on them and I don’t have to work so hard to play the role of wife and mother. But is this being authentic?
Sometimes I just don’t care. I just want to survive. But, in reality, I want to do so much more than survive. I want to thrive and be a beacon of love and peace for others. How can I do this when I am struggling so much with grief and pain? Then I realize that other people are doing this. They have life struggles as much as I do. We can only come to others where we are now and as long as that is with an open heart and the intention to heal and love, it is enough.
So this is what I bring. This is what I bring to my family through tears, anger, giggles, and lightness. This is what I bring to the Earth and all beings. I bring me. For almost all of my life I thought that wasn’t enough. Now I step into my enough-ness. I take back my power and own who I am. When I am sad, I still bring me and all of the love in my heart. Nothing can stop it now. I’ve come too far.
I feel I owe a great deal of gratitude to my son for playing this role for me and for standing by me today. He gives me strength, love, and light and I am truly blessed.
Much Love,
Karin (Peace Goddess)
Photo by Suresh Kumar on Unsplash
Feature Photo by Tim Marshall on Unsplash