Tomorrow is my son Matt’s second birthday in Heaven. As I write this I feel a multitude of emotions. Strangely, I am not feeling overly sad. At this present time I am just integrating all of my experiences over the last few weeks and even overn the last 4 or 5 years.
What I want to say and do is honour my son. Matthew was and is an exceptional being. He was always a shining light in my life even when I couldn’t see it through his anger, drug use, and mental illness. I say I couldn’t see it but I believe I could. A part of me always believed and loved the beautiful shining and loving part of my son. I could often see the real him and spent so much time trying to help him see himself as I did. My sweet sensitive boy with the heart of gold. My boy who was too much for this world. My boy who just didn’t understand why things worked the way they did and, frankly, would not accept the way things were. I see now that this was a great strength he had. He helped me to see that I did not have to be like the world and that, in fact, being unlike the world was the only way to change it. I just wish he could have seen all of this through the eyes of love as I am now finding myself doing. Perhaps this was also something he taught me—for I loved him through every transition and still do. This brings tears—but then I remember him now.
Now when I sense his spirit I only feel lightness and love. He is so playful (as he was in physical form). He is also helping me so much by sending me beautiful signs. It’s not the same as a physical hug but, in time, I’m sure it will be better.
Thinking of you today and tomorrow—July 20th—on what would be your 28th birthday Matt. (And thinking of you and loving you always),
Much Love
Mom (Karin)
Feature Photo by Stephanie McCabe on Unsplash
Photo by Erik Stine on Unsplash